The right moment

It’s heart breaking for anyone to watch a parent’s health deteriorate and finding the right moment and the right words to discuss a possible move to a care home is difficult.

Michele Lyon and her sisters, Amanda and Samantha, have faced that agonising dilemma and for Michele the key advice for anyone in the same situation is don’t leave it too late.

“I didn’t want us to find ourselves in a situation with mum where she was suddenly hospitalised and we faced a crisis, having to find somewhere at very short notice with few if any options,” said Michele.

Michele’s mum, Diana, coped well with living alone after being widowed in 2017. Michele lived close by and she enjoyed regular visits from her three daughters, grandchildren and great grandchildren.

But things changed during covid and the enforced isolation that brought. Diana was no longer able to pop on the bus every day to visit town and when the pandemic finished Diana, now in her nineties, found herself less confident and more frail and her family noticed her increasing short term memory loss.

Michele, decided to take a look at some local care homes and by chance, as a member of a pastoral care team, was due to visit a family friend who had recently moved to Bramshott Grange.

“I went in with an open mind and what struck me immediately was that in the reception/bar area you weren’t greeted by a large television on the wall with residents just dumped in front, not really watching, just vegetating,” said Diana.

“There wasn’t the depressing feel and smell you sometimes find in care homes,” she said. “Instead, there was a lovely clean, welcoming feel to the place as we sat out on the terrace in the sunshine and enjoyed a cup of tea.”

In the following weeks Michele and her sisters and Diana took advantage of the tours around Bramshott offered by Group Client Liaison Manager Maggie Griffith.

“In some homes the rooms are small and dingy, like a prison cell. and with mum having lived in a large detached house for 50 years that did worry us,” said Michele. “But at Bramshott the rooms are spacious, nicely decorated and well-lit.”

Diana had decided against having home adaptations or wearing an alarm pendant and the family worried she could suffer a fall. Michele, who lived nearest of the sisters, was due to go on holiday for New Year and was fearful of leaving mum alone.

So, when Maggie informed them a room had become available the decision was taken and on December 28 2023, Diana moved to Bramshott.

“We had a lovely Christmas together and Mum was remarkable,” said Michele. “She accepted it was the right thing to do and it was amazing how she settled. She just got on with it and embraced the move.”.

Michele feels the family now have more quality time with Diana and enjoy the many activities on offer at Bramshott including quizzes, barbeques, a dog show and various celebrations.

“I’m very clear that with Mum’s health it isn’t a case of her going in there to make memories but it is a chance to make moments,” said Michele.

“She probably sees more of us than before and rather than being in a rush to do various jobs and constantly pestering mum to check have you done this or that, we can relax, have a chat over a cup of tea, enjoy a game of scrabble, or watch the great grandkids in the garden.”

Looking back Michele is grateful that the family planned ahead.

“I just didn’t want Mum to come to some ghastly end or for us to be forced into a decision with Mum in hospital. Mum has been involved in the discussions, had time to get to know Bramshott and to make connections, she is safe and comfortable and as a family we have peace of mind,” said Michele.